how to love???

it is a matter of perspective, but when do you reach the point where enough is enough??? or do you???

i have realized today that my flesh is apparently stronger than my spirit... looking at this i would think that it is because i am feeding one more than the other, but i don't think that is it... the problem seems to be that i am not really feeding either... now i don't know about you, but when i don't get fed i get cranky... so it seems to me that if i am not feeding myself spiritually (whatever that means) i can get cranky which seems to make the flesh more abundant... does this make sense to anyone else??? somehow in my mind it does... the long and short is this... i am not looking forward to Christmas because of that lack of time i will get with my kids and that ticks me off... now as of late i am trying to "speak life" into people and that apparently has painted a target on me...

so because i have not fed my spirit as i should be i become a complaining "bitch" that i do not want to become... how fun is that... sorry for the language...

so here i am being hungry and mad at the world asking how do i get fed and please, no sunday school answers...

it is all about perspective, but didn't even Job wonder what the heck was going on and if it would ever end???

all about perspective...

so yeah, i have been a super slacker when it comes to posting about the alabama trip, but here it is... i have had a real hard time collecting my thoughts about what i witnessed while i was there... there were a ton of emotions from either side of the spectrum...

i will say this about what we did... it can simply be put as "whatever"... serving was tops our our list and there was plenty of opportunities for that... the majority of what we did as a group was tearing the insides of people's houses apart so they could be bleached and rebuilt...

there are so many stories of things where we could see the hand of God in our trip that i could go on for hours telling them, but i will save that for a later date... what God did in me was, to say the least humbling...

seeing the destruction and hopelessness down in the gulf coast was overwhelming to me and yet i did not want to leave... i was so happy serving these people even though there was a lot of grunt work that i am not used to... yet doing ministry and serving people filled me with joy...

but the main emotion that i came back home with was that i am a very selfish person... as i got back home i realized how much i complain about things that seem big to me, but in the grand scheme of things are not... i complain about my house having no oil and being cold; at least i have a house... i complain about my vehicles always breaking down; at least i have vehicles to break down... i complain about never seeing my kids; at least i know where my kids are and that they are safe...

you see; it is all about perspective and we are often so quick to complain when we are blessed... "with this blessing comes responsibility and this is so much bigger than us..."

i love it...

more updates to come...