i am typing up this little ditty from the great state of Maine... well i am not sure about how great it is, but it seemed to flow right off of the tounge that way... i am spending the weekend at my mother's for a little bit of a break, to get my explorer fixed up a bit and as a new project i think i will do some dry wall mudding in my mom's bathroom tommorrow... so much for relaxing... actually i may do that too...
on the way down here from bangor there was an hour and a half stretch where i found a worship station on the radio and had a great time of praise to my creator... it was fun... but, as i type this i have a bit of a heavy heart... this is because i am a double minded man and Scripture says that kind of man will be like a ship tossed in the wind... (or something like that) God has increased my ministry territory on Grand Manan as of late, but i can't seem to focus just on Him... why the heck is this??? i have been asked to preach for some weeks to come (not sure how long), the boys and girls club's #'s have increased as have Central's youth group, working with Sidney has been great and supply teaching is starting to happen... one would think that with such a busy load of ministry and investing in people there would be no time to invest in self and selfish desires... i frustrate me...
i think i am at a point where what Paul said is really hitting me... why do i do what i do not want to do??? and why can't i focus "in Christ alone"... truly there are 2 things that i want in this world and they are time with my boys and to be right in God's eyes and that is not the order of priority just for the record... this whole double or triple or thousand mindedness is hard on the head and seems to pull in all directions... i hate it... Jesus, renew my mind... i am so much less than you want me to be and that drives me crazy...
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"I frustrate me." how succinctly you captured my own feelings towards myself as of late. i share word for word in your spiritual struggles. what i have come to learn is that those things i see in myself that i view as struggles hindering me from this journey with Jesus actually ARE the journey: they are the means with which Christ is drawing me to Himself. a truth He has shown me that i want to share with you is this: be at rest with yourself. yes, there are things about you that are not yet as they should be, but your heart's desire is for Christ. He WILL honor that desire cause it's His too. so, while you're waiting for Him to work it out in your life on earth time, just rest in who you are, love Jesus, and be at peace. Sounds trite, huh? somehow i know it's true and His love/grace has brought me much freedom lately. and ps.....YOU'RE IN MY STATE AND YOU DIDN'T CALL ME?! :) gosh i miss our island talks, friend.
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